The Church of Alvis

So, pining for our time in Maui, I started craving a Mai Tai. Dood informed me that there are no good cocktails in Hawaii. Ergo, I visited the RumDood blog, and read the "Month of Mai Tais" post.

Easy enough, I thought. I'm willing to spend a few bucks on quality ingredients, and am relatively competent (normally) with a shaker.

Here starts something I can only call "Cuspar sullies the good name of the RumDood Mai Tai".

I spent the better part of two days (minus "dentistry" and "PnP SWRPG") hunting for the following:

Appleton Estate Rum - 12 year.
Clement Rhum Agricole
Clement Creole Shrubb
Orgeat
Limes
Fresh mint

Let me first say that Edmonton is a city of 1.2 million people. For the northernmost major city in the world, we DO have a relatively decent ability to get finer things and people in their fields are generally knowledgeable, and not as ignorant as one might expect.

Yesterday consisted of me using an online tool (facilitated by the fact that liquor stores are regulated by our socialist laws, and therefore, anything they ever order is recorded in an online database). Therefore, I could use a search utility to check liquor stores within 25km of my office for "Rhum agricole Martinique" and I should be given a list of shops stocking the product.

The aforementioned search yielded a store called "Northside Liquor Connection" - a name which had my expectations at "40s of Extra Old Stock" as opposed to "fine spirits". Nonetheless, I went there at lunchtime - credit card in hand, and optimism in heart.

The store was about the size of my private office, but I thought "maybe they only stock unique things". The guy working seemed drunk, or senile, or both, and the two younger guys at the counter were buying 24 packs of Milwaukee's Best beer, so my hopes were low.

I asked for the liquor items on my list. They DID have an Appleton X/V rum, but when I asked for the Clement, he looked at me like I was insane. "But the website said you stock it," I said and was met by a "I never heard of no website that does that.". I changed my approach, and willing to compromise to quench my craving asked if they stock ANY Martinique rums. The answer? "What does Martinique mean?"

Disgusted, I left the Appleton on the shelf and went to Best Buy to pick up Black Swan on BluRay instead. (Reasonable compromise? No.)

Today I had to teach at the University, so I was excited that it would take me past one of our more interesting liquor stores. In a terrible location, and existing primarily to sell mickeys of Smirnoff to bums, this store actually stocks a lot of really high end spirits.

I went to the rum section.

Voila. Appleton Reserve (12 year). Clement Rhum Agricole VSOP, and another Clement that was very white. I chose the VSOP because it looked tastier - all sexy and amber. I asked for the Shrubb, but was rebuffed by the owner. A girl at the other till overheard, and said to me "is that like an orange curaçao?". Thanks to RumDood, I knew the answer was yes, and she led me to the selfsame Shrubb from RumDoods post.

Spirits lifted, I set out to the grocery store for the other ingredients (in Canada, liquor stores can only sell liquor - so any mixes or syrups must be sold elsewhere).

I came home and picked up my son, and off we went to our local (enormous) grocery store.

With him in a race car cart the size of my actual car, we went straight to the mix aisle. I could see the grenadine from 100 feet, but alas, no Orgeat (which is a French almond syrup described to me by Dood in a manner I can fairly call orgasmic). Also not present was simple syrup. I left the grocery store with:

1 gallon distilled water
1 bottle of imitation almond extract
2 bags of key limes (the only limes in the store)
One packet organic fair trade raw cane sugar from Malawi
Fresh mint sprigs

After my son was asleep, inset about making (what I fully expected to be) the most delicious Mai Tais ever.

Here's how it went.

I looked up a recipe for simple syrup, and chose the 2 sugar:1 water recipe. I put two cups of distilled water on the stove, and started adding the cane sugar by the cup. It ended up that there were only three cups of sugar in the bag, so I ended up with a 3:2 syrup instead of a 2:1 syrup.

I juiced about 50 (fucking) key limes, wounding myself on the food processor several times, but generating a cup of delicious key lime juice.

I had no clue what to do for the Orgeat so I mixed up a slapdick brew of one cup of water, with some corn syrup, and about a teaspoon of (imitation) almond extract.

I got out our spectacular tiki glasses, and filled them with crushed ice.

I combined the ingredients in my shaker and off I went.

The first one was what I would call "following the recipe". It was STRONG - not the delicious tropical happiness I wanted. I will say it was very smooth though.

The second one I made for my wife. The only difference was that I used one ounce of simple syrup. It was better, but not tropically sweet and craving quenching.

I then made my mother in law (who is the lightest of lightweights), one with TWO ounces of simple syrup. It tasted gross. Too sweet, not balanced, more like a small town cafe attempt at a Mai Tai.

So here's where I think it may have gone wrong, in order of likelihood:

1) the lack of Orgeat. The stuff I mixed up was almondy, but sure (as fuck) not a syrup. Or orgasmically delicious.
2) the simple syrup. Not 2:1? The raw can sugar not being right? It made a very dark (but delicious) syrup.
3) the rums. Too old? More "sippy" than "mixy"??

I'm heading to the European district tomorrow to hunt for Orgeat, or, at minimum, almond Italian soda syrup.

So RumDood, help me. I want a delicious Mai Tai, and I'm $130 and 3 hours in, and my craving is still raging. The best solution would be to come to LA, but that isn't an option (until the fall, anyway...). So, what's a noob to do?

Come to Alvistide...that is what a squid is to do...

To begin, Matt knows his rum (rhum) and Mai Tais. In this regard he is the master and I will bow to anything he says on the matter. I do have a couple of bits of advice.

1. Here is a good orgeat recipe (http://www.kaiserpenguin.com/the-perfec ... up-recipe/). I have made it and it is fairly simple. The results are good. That said...

2. See if you can get Trader Tiki Orgeat sent to you since making orgeat is a pain in the ass.

3. For simple syrup a 1:1 to does not require heating water but a higher ratio of sugar does. The main reason people use rich (2:1) simple is to reduce dillution of the other ingredients.

4. Store bought grenadine sucks donkey balls. Make your own using this recipe (http://www.jeffreymorgenthaler.com/2009 ... grenadine/). This is simple and in it he mentions using the POM 100% juice instead of squeezing pomegranites. It is fucking delicious.

5. When a drink tastes too strong but is good, the first solution is dillution and not adding more sweetener. Shake for 15 to 30 seconds. Get a good frost on that tin.

6. If it is too strong, then reduce the spirits. Mai Tais have a lot of booze and it is assertive. Stay with high quality but lower the amounts until you find yourself wanting that flavor.

7. Have fun. It booze for fucks sake.

Mission Orgeat begins shortly.

Thanks for the into Gando!

(was the grenadine mention just for info, or do you use it in your Mai Tais sometimes?)

Cuspar wrote:Mission Orgeat begins shortly.

Thanks for the into Gando!

(was the grenadine mention just for info, or do you use it in your Mai Tais sometimes?)

You mentioned that you spotted grenadine in the store and I wanted to throw that recipe out there before you bought any.

Gando gives good...advice.

Rick's orgeat recipe is simple and delicious, though my favorite homemade orgeat is Erick Ellestad's, which is only about 2000000 times harder to make (http://underhill-lounge.flannestad.com/ ... s-version/).

If the only limes you can get are Key Limes then you're going to want to go a bit sweeter on the drink because Key Limes are four times more sour than normal Persian Limes (the default kind of lime that people buy in grocery stores). You're also not going to get a lot of juice of the keys because they're so freaking small.

If you're looking for ways to get around your current difficulties in Canadia, you might want to send an email to Darcy O'Neil at his website, http://www.artofdrink.com/about/contact/. Admittedly he's in Ontario, which I know is sort of like asking me how to deal with getting ingredients in Texas, but hey...

As far as the simple syrup, you CAN make 2:1 simple with the cold-process method. I do it when I make falernum. It's a lot of work (hope you've been practicing with your shakeweight), but you don't have to use heat - and a Mai Tai does call for "Rock Candy Syrup" which is actually, technically, 3:1 simple syrup - so most people just go with 2:1.

Thanks for the advice!

I always thought key limes were sweeter.

I also got a bottle of almond syrup. It lacks the orange flower water but we'll test it tonight.

I will get more sugar and make new syrup tonight too.

Boozy good times await.

Have 1 for me I got the kid tonight so no drinky drink for me.


And before anyone says 1 snide word about it I'm just going to cut it off right here and say you try getting drunk when you have your toddler then try winning any custody in court after the divorce fairy visits...